Tag Archives: Woo woo

The Great HPANWO Debates


The Great Debate Part 1



The Great Debate Part 2

Yes, I have emerged from the other side, a bit bruised and shell shocked but I’ve made it!  I have survived two brutal debates with my nemesis Ben Emlyn-Jones aka In The Description Box Below.    It does seem as though I have lost both bouts if you tally up the amount of roses the cockroaches have thrown towards the Bullring.  I was the bull, majestically sweeping towards a slow death as the Matador picked me off…theory by theory by conspiracy theory.  Name after name of persons I couldn’t reasonably be expected to know.   If the debate had moved to pastures of a more musical whim then the Bull wins hands down.   He would know nothing, I assume, of the development of the piano sonata from Domenico Scarlatti to Johannes Brahms via Beethoven and Schubert.  Although this Matador expected me to know, in depth, the bullshit nonsense from Rendlesham Forest in 19 fucking 80!  I asked in Bull talk if the craft landed then where was it?  Mr Answer for Everything just pounds the ring with his huge red rag, although at the time turquoise would have set off an explosion in my underpants.

I feel I fisted my way through the barren miserable landscape that is woo woo.  Now we wander the valleys of Mars.  It is a hunt.  I am the prey.  I will be picked  off.  Slowly.  See there is no hope with woo, it gives no joy, just fear and perpetual misery.  You feel as though the colourful Matadors of the woo world enjoys a strange nihilistic existence. As you would expect he is all wikied up for the journey with his band of nearly alive viruses that accompany him on such occasions.  He gives me a headstart, I stride with the help of the weaker gravitational pull and stride desperately across the red landscape.   The viruses praise me for giving it a go but they soon start to back their man.  I am now in turquoise and can be seen for many miles yet a sand storm whips up the landscape and I disappear.  I wonder if the viruses can penetrate my space suit.  Maybe Mr Smallpox will bust through my face shield.   I hide in a dip and quickly text that I can’t see how the twin towers where blown up by directed energy.  Ms Influenza starts her trek to look for me with her powerful eyes and Mr Rabies strides towards the crater that is my home for now.  The huge beast of the HPAWNO monster seems to have grown in stature.   I can feel the pounding as he scrapes his way towards me quoting long and tedious passages from his self-published novel.   Fuck!

Hot sweat pours from my skin.  My hands are strapped down and my legs buckled.  All around me is stuff that lives in ponds and I realise I am in a Victorian style operating theatre with plenty of space for the antagonists to watch my final moments.  I declare that I don’t have a clue or give a shit about some bloke, a professor nonetheless, who happily accepts anecdotal evidence as proof for alien visitation from 150 Zimbabwean schoolchildren.  The Matador enters for his final attack.

‘I am surprised how little you knew about the stuff that is practically made up.’  He says.

Sorry did he slip up there?  Is he admitting he is wrong is he a contradiction? A large dose, maybe 1000 mg of chlorpromazine (woos don’t mind stuff like that if it suits their agenda) is injected into my arm.  I feel tense but strangely exhausted and I forget the contradiction.

‘Now Mr Sluggs.’  says the man who runs the HPANWO empire, ‘I used to be a porter and I have more pride and dignity then you can imagine.  We will make you well.  We will remove this science nonsense from your mind through are freedom and truth foundation.  Within good time you will be one of us again, you will be an Icke reading woo woo.’

Then I had a stoke and died before the ambulance arrived.

Colin’s Elbow invited to debate Ben Emlyn-Jones of HPANWO

It is with feverish excitement and intrigue that I can happily confirm after all these years I have finally been given the chance to debate, shall we say a nemesis of mine , the ruler of HPANWO, Ben Emlyn-Jones of Oxford.   Although I doubt he would admit it, he surely sees me as a thorn in his conspiratorial quest for truth and knowledge.  That old word truth again, what a wonderful word it is.   Sadly it is overused in wooism and underused in actual science, ironically.

I have been warring on and off with Ben, mainly on his forum, since the summer of 2010 when I was finally a skeptic and no longer a woo.  We disagreed from the off and some of our conversations over the years could always be described as rather tasty at times.  The amount of times I have been accused of using rhetoric in a discussion with him is uncountable.  He does make some very broad claims though will which I hope to address in this online debate.  Yet I am his guest and he may want to get to know me more so if you are reading this Mr Jones here is a little CV for you:

I’m 39.  I live in Dover.  I support Dover Athletic FC.  I play the piano and compose.  Music is my strongest subject.  I am a layman of science but I feel I will have enough to get through this debate.    I used to cut grass for a living and I felt no pride and dignity in it whatsoever when I strimmed a load of dogshit into my face first thing on a cold damp miserable Monday morning.   I have Asperger’s and bipolar and take several medications which help keep me/it under control.   I mention that as people of the alternate thinking variety don’t like psyche meds or vaccines, or anything that helps people live a better life that without would probably lead to an early death.   It is a good thing we don’t live in a Victorian society where quacks surely outnumbered actual doctors.   Mr Jones would have been in his element back then, maybe!

Anyway, all I need to say now is come on, Mr Jones, when is this going to happen?

Inverted Earth conjecture

As a frequent visitor and skeptic on the HPANWO forum, it has to be said that you get to see a good deal of hit and run posters. That is those that post something rather silly then disappear when questioned. Well one turned up the other day calling themselves Stephen and they left this message:

Hi, I’m new here but I wanted to show you people how the true nature of the universe is actually a tiny, inverted one. Cyrus Teed’s foundational premise that the Earth’s surface is concave and all the planets, sun, moon and stars are actually very small in relation to it and fit inside a hollow, inverted Earth has never been debunked. In addition to his theory I want to point out the optical illusory effects of the glass ceiling about 70 miles high that plays tricks on the eye and causes one to perceive the sun and moon as spherical but are actually not.

I don’t think in all the years I have been reading into conspiracy theories have I come across something so absurd.  No amount of reason could tempt Stephen away from his notion that the stars are tiny and everything is contained at the centre of the Earth.   Although it turns out he isn’t some Poe yet a fully grown man from the USA who not only content with his ‘theory’ he also thinks he is the second coming of Christ.  Here are some youtube videos:

Some drawings

Some disgruntlement

Getting nowhere

As you can see he calls himself Lord Steven Christ and all the other videos I watched are mainly the same thing, ie  him telling us what he thinks is true and slagging off humanity for having the audacity to question him.   When I dared comment on one of his videos he called upon me to suck his dick!  Although that comes after him telling the NSA to put you in a FEMA camp and putting a curse on you.

The reason why he is so adamant of his ideas is because no-one has disproven him or his hero Cyrus Teed.  Well, no-one has disproven the existence of a purple pram on Pluto, the list is endless of things that could never be disproven.  It would appear Lord Steven Christ is not a well person and should take medical help.  His life is not a happy one, surely.  He hops from forum to forum constantly trying to get people interested in his ‘theory’ and all he gets is grief.  Unless it is just a big joke, well then fair enough, haha.

I think he is genuine, I mean just look into his eyes.  You cannot help but feel they are slightly maniacal looking.  Anyhow he is probably harmless, but here is his website so you can make up your own mind.


This sort of thing sends my bullshit detectorphon of the scales.  Orgonite is just wankstain.  It is nothing but a waste of time and not even placebo at best.  Yet, some people swear by it.  It cures all ills, like mobile phone radiation, and other stuff.  When you look at it it is just some paperclips, and iron filings set in pretty resin, and shaped like a pyramid.  How can that function at all, it is so inaccurate it is unbelievable.

The origins of orgone date back to a chap called Wilhelm Reich. He was a mad professor who claimed he had found some new form of energy.  The FDA, rightly, got his ass banged up and he died in prison.  His ‘work’ was supposedly destroyed which begs the question, how do advocates of orgone know if they are doing the right thing or not?

This is an advocate or orgone.

Icke and his People’s Voice

I am trying to cut Icke out of my thinking so this will be one of few posts about the man.  Honestly, I look at his headlines page about two or three times a week, if that sometimes.  Well, I have just had a butchers and it is the same as it always was.  He pontificates as if he knows all the answers, such and such leaders are just puppets of a shadow government, and yes I have read his books even if it is like reading through treacle.  He sort of gets the anwsers out but just falls short of really explaining anything tangible.  Everyone becomes lizards and we enter fantasy land Icke creates in his sleep.  Yes, the World is full of assholes, but he seems to have a vast array of freedom across the World.  He can say want he wants in free, liberal countries without fear of arrest, the reason being is he poses no threat.  Maybe the government see him as a useful idiot, that is if he even registers on their monitor.

But what got me was Icke is still on the scrounge.  Not content with 300 k for his poxy radio station, he wants cheap studio equipment too.  I don’t know how much that stuff costs but I bet with a budget of 300 k he could get a decent set of gear.  This is how cults start.  It won’t be a people’s voice, it will be the UK’s equivalent of Alex Jones’ radio show.  Dissenting voices won’t be allowed, I assume.  You have to tow the party line, etc.  Someone might ring in to a show and say Icke talks nonsense before being cut off.  Supposedly revenge at the times a woo woo has had the line cut on a proper radio station like Radio five.

Just had a look at prices for studio equipment.  Top of the range mixer 21 k.  That’s nothing with the money they have.  No, Icke wants someone to hand over something by saying they are saving humanity or something.  People will want some action soon or it’s all going to go plop.  Plus, I wonder if you have pay tax on that money.

David Icke, have a holiday.

Does the man ever have a holiday?  Just a break from conspiratorial research, somewhere away from people.  I don’t think he would do because to be away from even his inner sanctum would mean his ego would significantly suffer from not being rubbed, continuously.  Go for a nice trek around the Outer Hebrides or something and try to bullshit his way into using his way of thinking to decipher how they breathtaking scenery was formed.

You see Icke never really bothers to tell us how geological processes occur.  Is it to be taken that science is correct and mountains are formed the way it tells us they are made.  Icke wouldn’t want to concur with science though.  He never questions how a plane flies, again it would mean concurring with science.  Yet when it comes to something we can’t see, like vaccines, then science is just plain wrong and must be avoided.

Although, he does like to make it known what such an expert he is when it comes to the electromagnetic spectrum.   He fails to mention we only see visible light because our eyes have evolved to see it, as it is useful for our survival.  We could have evolved to see infra-red or any other wavelength.  It doesn’t mean there are scary lizards living in other frequencies.  I can’t remember his ever showing us a picture of the spectrum, he may have done but he would have glossed over it.  Why?  Because he assumes his listeners/readers are stupid and he is the masterful supreme lord of knowledge.  When in fact anyone anyone who has taken GCSE science, let alone passed it, will know more then Dave presents.

Don’t expose your bullshit!

Nice little touch on the Icke headline page here for warning alt/comp ‘therapists’ not to liaise with a TV company.  I would have thought they would like to get their method of healing out in the open for all to see.  If, as they arrogantly stagger around suggesting, their method works they it won’t matter if four doctors want to interrogate them.

But they are no more then illusionists.  Just like a magician won’t reveal his tricks nor will an alt/comp salesperson.  If they did they would be bankrupt in no time.  So they just keep the bullshit high and hang on to their only bastion; the placebo effect.  That is what their method is built upon, nothing more.

I have no problem with middle class nobodies indulging in some therapy because they don’t no any better.  That dodgy knee that has never healed, so it won’t harm it to dip a toe in alt/comp therapies.  Leave it at that.  If people want to waste money then so be it.  My problem is when these snake oil salesman try to hack down modern medicine.  Scare people away from vaccines and credible treatments; and not just the individual but their children too.  That is when is gets worrisome.

All the time people aren’t fully educated in the scientific method there will always be a market for con merchants.

Church of England to have greater control over more school

This article depressed me.  Why can’t religion just, well fuck off away from education?  And Michael Gove can too.  It seems like a grotesque oxymoron to allow this to happen to more schools.  Religion isn’t about progressing the human spirit but retarding it in dogma and chastity.  And by spirit I mean the endeavour to learn, not what we already know but what is yet within our grasp, or the perinormal as coined by Richard Dawkins.

Yet, my son goes to a church of england school, so this doesn’t sit easy with me.  But I went to the same school.  My mum went to a public school run by nuns, along with my uncle (and we’re all ardent atheists).  Maybe it is just a tag name but it is free advertising for a faith.  You don’t see schools run by banks, software companies, or search engines all though I expect a school run by Google would be quite an experience for the good I would imagine.

Maybe I can look at it in a different way.  These places churn out atheists.  When I went to primary school every part of the religious routine was excruciatingly boring.  The same hymns, the same nativity plays at Christmas, the same moral stories by the local vicar, it’s as if they are doing all they can to turn kids away from church.   They are the equivalent of a really boring circus coming to town.  I can’t remember any of my peers going to church on a Sunday, either.

Looking at it like that perhaps fills me with a little heart but I’m still not happy about it.  Religion is no different today from what it was five hundred years ago, minus the burning at the stake and torture.  Yet sixty years ago computers used to fill classrooms, now they fit in your pocket.  Science has progressed.  Religion has not.

Can’t Gove just say thanks for setting up schools all those decades ago but we’ll take it from here.  Just leave it to us.

Up, up and a…

If placing this link leads to just one person donating to a ‘People’s Voice’ then I have failed as a human being. I think it’s funny because those donatees are probably the type that moan and groan about paying council tax etc, yet will part with cash that will end up in a slosh pot and disappear down a blackhole.  Mark my words, he has been given another ten days so he can wring as much as he can out of people who probably can’t afford it.  And now he knows what to do when he needs more cash in six months.

I have been noticing the rate of donations over the last day or so and it has slowed up quickly.  If people were really awakening then there would be millions of pounds in there not quarter of a million.  Yet if you look at how many people have donated it is only about seven thousand.  Hardly humanity preparing to roar really.

So what will happen when it is all up and running?  Will 300 k really be enough?  Will it be similar to Alex Jones’ shout fest?  Won’t renting somewhere in Central London cost an absolute fortune?  What is the ultimate aim, if there is one?

So many questions.


Bravely standing up for the confused, and misrepresented.

HPANWO stands for: Hospital Porters Against the New World Order. Well, technically just one hospital porter, and he isn’t even a hospital porter any more. The brains behind HPANWO is a chap called Ben Jones.

Jones with orgone protector.
Jones with orgone protector.

It is fundamentally a research tool that has a channel on You Tube, and various blogs.  He researches mainly into the supernatural, and global conspiracies.  It hasn’t got any closer to understanding anything then it had the day Jones dreamt it up.  No matter how hard someone tries you cannot progress if you have no credible evidence.  See what Jones is wearing around his head, its a bra strap with a bits of quartz stuck above the ears that are interwoven into it. This ‘device’ is to protect the wearer from harmful radiation when using a mobile phone.  It is utterly ridiculous, not only because it doesn’t work, but because he thinks it does.  I don’t have enough sanity to write too much about Ben so I will concentrate for now on his belief in orgone.  Take a look at this.  He seriously believes that throwing a lump of rock into a river will cleanse it and make it all safe for wildlife to flourish.  Although he won’t give his exact location away because he is sure the men in black will come along and fish it out.

It is an old video but I think it is the best place to start when trying to dissect what HPANWO is all about.  Be aware though, Ben is your typical woo woo in that he will never give a straight answer but thinks he has all the answers.  He is quite a keen ufologist, or a nothingist is probably a better name, and travels all around the country looking at grainy pictures of a dinner plate being tossed in the air.  Oh sorry, I meant flying saucer.  I used to be a member of the HPANWO forum but about a year ago I got banned for swearing.  Although there was never a dull moment, especially when Ben got started with his Apollo hoax theories.  He doesn’t believe NASA sent men to the moon, even though they brought back lunar rocks.  Ben had an answer for everything and started to feel like you was debating a sociology studying sixth former,  Any way to counter my argument of ‘they did go to the moon’ he said they filmed it on Mercury.  Yep, they went to Mercury but pretended it was the moon.  When it was explained how silly this was he changed it to that they filmed it on another planet in another solar system.

Jesus wept.  He really wrote that.

Update:  I have now been allowed back into the HPANWO forum and nothing has changed.  Still plenty of hit and run posters who call you a cunt if you have the nerve to point out their post was a crock of shit.  As well as HPANWO I converse with The Ben of no age on facebook.  I was told off by him for calling one of his ‘friends’ willfully ignorant – he said studying the big bang was a waste of time – still it’s okay when I get called a cunt and a shill by other woos on his wall.   Ben is starting to come much more a ‘celebrity’ in conspiratorial circles by having his own radio show and giving talks at UFO events.  Yes, he still believes the governments of the world are keeping something from us, on what premise?  None whatsoever!