Category Archives: Blog

Inverted Earth conjecture

As a frequent visitor and skeptic on the HPANWO forum, it has to be said that you get to see a good deal of hit and run posters. That is those that post something rather silly then disappear when questioned. Well one turned up the other day calling themselves Stephen and they left this message:

Hi, I’m new here but I wanted to show you people how the true nature of the universe is actually a tiny, inverted one. Cyrus Teed’s foundational premise that the Earth’s surface is concave and all the planets, sun, moon and stars are actually very small in relation to it and fit inside a hollow, inverted Earth has never been debunked. In addition to his theory I want to point out the optical illusory effects of the glass ceiling about 70 miles high that plays tricks on the eye and causes one to perceive the sun and moon as spherical but are actually not.

I don’t think in all the years I have been reading into conspiracy theories have I come across something so absurd.  No amount of reason could tempt Stephen away from his notion that the stars are tiny and everything is contained at the centre of the Earth.   Although it turns out he isn’t some Poe yet a fully grown man from the USA who not only content with his ‘theory’ he also thinks he is the second coming of Christ.  Here are some youtube videos:

Some drawings

Some disgruntlement

Getting nowhere

As you can see he calls himself Lord Steven Christ and all the other videos I watched are mainly the same thing, ie  him telling us what he thinks is true and slagging off humanity for having the audacity to question him.   When I dared comment on one of his videos he called upon me to suck his dick!  Although that comes after him telling the NSA to put you in a FEMA camp and putting a curse on you.

The reason why he is so adamant of his ideas is because no-one has disproven him or his hero Cyrus Teed.  Well, no-one has disproven the existence of a purple pram on Pluto, the list is endless of things that could never be disproven.  It would appear Lord Steven Christ is not a well person and should take medical help.  His life is not a happy one, surely.  He hops from forum to forum constantly trying to get people interested in his ‘theory’ and all he gets is grief.  Unless it is just a big joke, well then fair enough, haha.

I think he is genuine, I mean just look into his eyes.  You cannot help but feel they are slightly maniacal looking.  Anyhow he is probably harmless, but here is his website so you can make up your own mind.

Hugh Everett III

Hugh Everett III formulated a new  interpretation for quantum physics.  It was eventually called the Many Worlds Interpretation, although not by Everett he called it a ‘relative state’ formulation.  It is fairly simple to begin with and I am probably wrong on this (being pointed in the right direction would be great) but if you make a choice of say going left or right you actually do both at the same time.  Just like the double-slit experiment where the photon or electron goes through both slits at the same time as long as nothing is observing it, even a camera.

So back to Everett.  If you get to the end of a road, a t-junction say, you chose to go left but another ‘you’ is going right in a different world.  So you are going left and right at the same time.  If I am wrong on this I don’t mind being pointed out that I am so.   To take it to the extreme, every action that is possible is being acted out in different worlds right down to the fundamental level of electron and photons.

This leads to a very interesting conclusion.  Quantum suicide and Quantum Immortality.  It is all to do with wave functions collapsing but if someone is shot dead in another world they survive so they are dead and alive at the same time.  We are constantly avoiding death.   Crossing the road, driving on a motorway, eating and choking, having a heart attack and surviving.  Perhaps we never die because we are dodging death at every turn without knowing it.  Yet we can witness others die.   What becomes of us then?   Do we reach 120 years old and find our cells stop reproducing and we just die of old age?  So what happens to the brain?  It can’t function without oxygen and glucose, but everything a human did in their life is stored there.  Maybe in the future the brain could be tapped for information and brought back alive somehow.   That has gone of on a tangent slightly, I’m just thinking out  loud and utilising the creative writing training I have.  Gone a bit sci-fi.

There are plenty of websites about Everett and his ideas.  All very interesting.

A skeptical Skeptic.

After having some neat piece of advertising on the HPANWO radio show last night which added no extra traffic to this flop of a blog I had asked to be referred to as a ‘Skeptical Skeptic’.  Ben did ponder as to what one was even after saying it was an apt name on facebook.  I suppose it means awkwardly skeptical, in other words unless you can prove something with extraordinary evidence I won’t believe you.

If I saw the loch ness monster appear before my eyes I still wouldn’t believe it until it was captured and  analyzed to prove it was indeed a cryptozoological creature.   Or I would imagine I was hallucinating.  Even if I had taken 800 mg of quetiapine everyday for ten years I would assume the drug was not working.  Why?  Because that is more plausible.  What if others witnessed such an event?  Well they too would be hallucinating.  The thing is I don’t want to believe in anything that goes against scientific inquiry or the scientific method.  Why?  Because it is sloppy and lazy to just make fiction up and pass it off as fact.

That is what most of the conspiracy world is; poorly written fiction.   You can have a hard on over aliens hiding in RAF bunkers or planes pumping out toxic fumes to poison us all, that includes fluoride as well.  It doesn’t even make for a decent storyline, yet people gobble it up, but why?   Perhaps it makes sense in someone else’s mind other than my own.  Perhaps it correlates in some bizarre fashion.  It clicks for them and makes some ‘sane’ connections.  Doesn’t make it true though.  I’d love to know what percentage of the online world is made up of these disastrous brains spewing vomit all over people’s consciousnesses.  The David Icke Forum is a good place to start; full of wretched souls trying to make uneducated hamfisted guesses at how the Universe works.  Sometimes real science is used to explain poor science and that is why it remains on the DIF and not in some peer-reviewed journal.

So there is nothing wrong with being skeptically skeptical.  I think it is healthy and interesting because science is intriguing without adding ladles of sloppy bullshit.   To add HPANWO is nothing but the opinions of one man called Ben who just picks certain news articles each day and adds a bit a wikipedia research to it then a touch of conspiratorial bent.

He is a woo a wooing!

‘Minor’ composers Part one.

Hidden behind Beethoven, Schubert and Mozart are a clutch of composers who really deserve more attention.  Most are so obscure and overshadowed by the aforementioned greats, but they really are fine musicians and I want to see if I can improve their profile.

First up is Muzio Clementi (1752-1832).  He influenced Beethoven and composed many beautiful pieces, mainly piano sonatas and the amazing Gradus Ad Parnassum.

 First four studies

My favourite Clementi piano sonata

The Op.50 and Op.40 sets are incredibly underrated sonatas and deserve more attention.

Next was a pupil and friend of Beethoven, Ferdinand Ries. His set of eight symphonies are a testament to finding a voice of his own which was difficult considering the grandness of Beethoven.

Symphony No.5

Ries also wrote many piano sonatas and piano concertos.

Mehul was a Fench composer that I have only recently discovered and what a gem his music is. The first movement of his first symphony in G minor pushes the limitations of the classical period to its zenith. The coda is particularly impressive.

Symphony No.1

Hummel is probably one of the better known ‘minor’ composers not to write a symphony. Yet he makes up for this in his two piano concertos (amongst others that are hard to come by). With a little more guile he could have ben on par with Schubert. He also composed nine piano sonatas that are worthy of their place in history especially the No.5 in F Sharp Minor.

Piano Sonata No.5

The bulk of Czerny’s output was mainly pedagogical, but he also composed several symphonies of which only four seem to have been recorded. My personal favourite in his first in C Minor. Vastly underrated.

Symphony No.1

In part II I will look at such gems as Dussek, Kozeluch and Kuhlua.

A conversation with a loving God

Wouldn’t that be the most nerve-racking thing imaginable? What would you say, or could you say, that wouldn’t result in you going to eternal damnation. But he is all loving and cares for every aspect of your life, every aspect. Yet you have to love him back in equal measures and he knows if your being sincere or not. Orwell’s Oceania doesn’t have a patch on old God. Anyway the conversation; something like this?

‘Hi God.’

Right straight away we are in trouble, that is probably too casual a greeting and not respectful enough for greeting an all-powerful deity. Although wouldn’t God be your best friend as well and that is how you greet friends? Right now I would be shitting blood orange bricks while peering through the gaps at the lapping flames and listening to the distant howls of agony. Okay, try again.

‘Hello God’

A bit better but it would sound contrived and forced and God wouldn’t like that. Unless you broke the ‘hello’ into two long syllables: first one high, second low. That might sound cheeky though. Try something else.

‘Alright God?’

Bloody hell no, don’t ask God questions this soon.

‘Your most revered Almighty Saviour.’

Better, but…it might seem creepy and again insincere. Does God want someone trying to lick his ring and smarm their way around him? Actually I don’t know, I suppose he must do as long as it isn’t insincere because remember God can read your mind before you have thought it. He actually knows everything you have done, what you are doing, and what you will do.

Anyway, there is no really sure way you can greet God without being zapped into hell, as far as I can see. But imagine how scared you would be meeting him? Good thing I never will have to go through such a stupid ordeal. The conversation couldn’t begin because he would have had the chat (that didn’t happen) with you before he met you.

I am pointing out the absurdities of there being such a creature and in our Universe it would be impossible. God breaks all the laws of physics but never shows us how it is done. People with faith seem to thing they can just use the ‘mysterious ways’, ‘we can’t know God’s mind’ lines, as if that is okay. Pile all the science books up that have ever been published and you would have a small mountain, take a slither of paper and the religious would write ‘God did it’, yes then we can shout ‘How?!’.





50 TB+ cloud space gratis.

I couldn’t quite believe it when I stumbled across three Chinese cloud companies that combined have given me exactly 51405 GB of storage space absolutely free.

They are not too tricky to install either but you need some patience with the language barrier and the multiple downloads for mobile, web and PC clients.  All three DO require you to install their software on your PC/Mac and Android/iOS mobile.  If you don’t you won’t get the full quota and end up with a piddly 2 GB.

This is Baidu, the smallest offering of the three.  I actually found this the most frustrating as the captchas seemed to be a stumbling block when registering.  Remember they are not case sensitive and you should be okay.  To install on the phone you need to use the QR reader as the app ins’t in Google play or Store.  Register on the PC/Mac first as it is easier to understand whereas it is advisable to install Google Translate on your phone as well.  When you are successful you will be rewarded with 2055 GB and the website is in English.

Weiyun requires that you obtain a QQ number to fully register.   This number is then used instead of an e-mail address to log-in to accounts.  The phone app for this is on Google Play so you should be able to send it straight to your device, install and log in.  Once you

Main page with upload box
Main page with upload box

have also logged in on your PC you can go and collect your 10 TB.  This site gives a step by step guide for extra assistance.

That leaves the most impressive and extremely generous cloud: 360 Cloud Drive. I found this one the easiest to set up but in principle it is the same as the other two.  You must install on a mobile and computer.  But it doesn’t stop there.  I registered yesterday and overnight I gained an extra 3 TB, ridiculous when you think Google Drive charge $9.99 a month just for 1 TB (and $299.99 a month for 30 TB),  and GD is one of the cheapest out there.  There is also a reward system whereby performing certain tasks: such as logging in, uploading, uploading from phone, etc, earn points and eventually you could earn another 30 TB!  But that could take over five years.

Cloud 360 Drive
Cloud 360 Drive

I know some people feel put off by the language barrier and whether they can trust something they have never heard off.  Yet I have been using them for a few days now and have had no issues of any sort.  I’m not saying people won’t get problems, just that so far it is looking good.  They all work just as good if not better then western sites and deciphering the language can be fun if you have the patience and time.

I hope this helps in some way, and no, I have no affiliation with these companies whatsoever, I just think it needs to shown that regular sites are a bit off a rip off.


Nearly two weeks ago I was prescribed aripiprazole, which is an anti-psychotic, (see here) and is being used as an adjunct to the antidepressants in my case.  I’m only on 5 mg at present but increase to 10 mg this Friday.  I can say that I am pleased with the results so far.  It has lifted me from a suicidal depression to a level where I can cope, even maybe causing a slight bit of hypomania as I am finding it easier to talk to people.  I have gotten a little irritable and for some reason my mood dipped yesterday for no reason but overall I am pleased and wonder what the 10 mg dose will be like.

Aripiprazole is another medication on my never ending quest for some holy grail of drug combinations to stabilise a stubborn recurrent depression that has plagued me since the mid 1990s.  I have though become more pragmatic about this illness and realise I am probably stuck with it but I do wonder if it is progressive as I have started having mild psychotic symptoms.  Hearing things  is one and paranoia of which it is suspected that I have paranoid personality disorder.  At first I thought that was incorrect but the more I think about it the more it makes sense.  I have always mentioned being paranoid to psychiatrists but it has mainly fell on deaf ears.  I was paranoid that they didn’t believe me which I suppose is ironic.  I do though now feel as though I am getting somewhere and close to finding the light switch to illuminate a correct diagnosis.

This new medication, Abilify is the brand name, has also made me very focused and able to solve problems more efficiently.  Maybe this is due to the stimulant effects it has (it has to be taken in the morning) plus the antidepressant qualities.  Side-effects I have had include restlessness, and sometimes difficulty remembering things quickly (like spelling or recalling names) but that is about it really.  Being more focused led me to work out how to put the scores of music to the tracks on You Tube videos.  This means I can have my music follow the score.  I had wondered for years how it was done then just figured it out, somehow.

So overall I am moderately impressed with the effects of aripiprazole, but I must say these is just my experiences.  I am in no way a qualified health care professional so don’t take my words as correct medical facts.  See a doctor if symptoms are the same as mine.

Venlafaxine withdrawal

It has been a while since I last posted.  My mood has gone down and down and I have found everything an effort but I want to start a mini journal on here about venlafaxine withdrawal.  I saw a consultant psychiatrist last Wednesday and it was decided that I taper off olanzapine and venlafaxine with a view to starting sertraline instead.  Olanzapine withdrawal isn’t too much of a problem because it has a long half life, as opposed to venlafaxine which has a very short half life.  The psychiatrist told me venlafaxine is the hardest to come off and he listed all the symptoms I may get, like sickness, dizziness, electric shocks in the head like brain zaps, feeling tired, aches and pains, it is not a nice drug to withdraw from.  So he gave me a plan.  I was to drop down to 300 mg from 375 mg for a week then get in touch with my caseworker.  If I am struggling he will prescribe some diazepam, if not then I can drop from 300 mg to 150 mg.

I am feeling bad after just three days at a lower dose.  My head feels like it is stuffed with cotton wool and I can’t keep still.  I am irritable, and fidgety also.  I don’t know if I could put up with this for six weeks without some kind of help.  Just see what happens.

Is recurrent depression a degenerative disorder?

I want to make it clear from the start that I am a patient and not a professional and all views are mine unless otherwise stated.  I am merely using my own experiences to form a conclusion about recurrent depression.  Please seek professional advice if your symptoms are the same.

At the age of eighteen I was first diagnosed with depression and was prescribed lofepramine by my GP.  I was also physically healthy, weight wise, but depressed and anxious.  I look at myself now, overweight, cumbersome, bad back, full of aches and pains and wonder how much the depression has contributed to this.  Of course it could be said that it is my fault.  I’m the one who chose to eat.  Yes, but the depression took away the motivation to remain healthy.

Recurrent depression, as the name suggests, ebbs and flows throughout your life.  For weeks even months you can be fine and tick over in life, but you are never far away from another episode.  Sometimes it can be triggered, events in life get too stressful and it is your bodies way of saying ‘get out of there!’.  Just like you wouldn’t keep your hand on a hot surface for very long.  Or, episodes can occur for seemingly no reason.  These usually hit you slowly, you feel yourself go down hill.  Getting a good night’s sleep in more difficult with constant awakenings, and then a feeling of tiredness all day.  Motivation levels drops and you experience less pleasure from activities you used to enjoy.  Then along comes irritation.  I have started to shout at people who annoy me in the street or supermarket.  This, for me, happens over about two, three weeks, then the worst part of depression hits: self harm, suicidal ideation, and feelings of despair and hopelessness.  This is coupled with strong feelings of doom and anxiety.  All this while still taking all the medications.  Depression is like Japanese Knotweed; it will find a way through any barriers.

So it is dealing with these issues.  The correct port of call is the GP or mental health clinic.  Yet you have to wonder that there is not a lot they can do apart from juggle your meds about again.  That in itself could make the problem worse and take weeks if not months.  You have to taper off one before starting another and then you have the suicidal thoughts before the new drug kicks in.  I don’t think I want to go through that again.  The wrong way of coping is drink and drugs.  Drink has always been my problem.  I like a drink sometimes but it was a problem over seven years ago.  I blotted out the pain by drinking every night.  Thankfully, I haven’t done my body too much harm, my liver is OK, but it made me put on weight.  Obesity is going to lead to diabetes (I am borderline diabetes) and heart problems.

So the depression has indirectly lead me to have a unhealthy disposition.  I am nearly thirty six and dread to think what I will be like in ten, fifteen years. Of course I need to just snap out it.  I thought I could do that ten years ago but I couldn’t without the crutches of alcohol, tobacco (given that up, thankfully), sugar, and a high fat diet.  Also what does an episode of depression do to the brain itself?  The very organ that is keeping you alive and functioning is consuming itself.  Is there real physical damage done to brain cells.  For one thing I can have a terrible short term memory, forgetting things very quickly.  Long term is generally ok, but has the depression caused irreversible damage to the brain’s ability to store short term memories.  Maybe not I don’t know.  Perhaps all the medications are harm full in the long term, but they could be the one thing that is keeping you alive.

In conclusion, I decided to drink and over eat yet depression has to take some of the blame.  I wish I could blame something concrete because then I may be able to reverse it.  If it was that easy depression wouldn’t be the terrible problem it is for millions of people.


The black dog made a prolonged visit to my shoulder last week and has left residual puppies stranded there in his wake.  I don’t know why it keep happening, I take enough pills to combat it, I exercise, and try to be careful with what I eat.  This is an ongoing thing, though, as I remember mentioning this to a psychiatric nurse.  All he could say was it was the nature of the illness.  Which made me think that the best you can ever hope for is to reach remission.  Depression can flash back in an instant.  Although it is a slower process for me.  First comes the sleep problems, always waking and lucid dreams, then I get more irritable and annoyed with people, then the feelings of everything is futile, then suicidal thoughts and self harm.

It comes in that nice little package.  I’m sick of going to doctors all the time.  Having to explain myself over and over.  Not being taken seriously is also something that seems to occur yet I null this with the thought they wouldn’t put me on all these meds for nothing.  What is prevalent though is the negative ideals.  I cancel and simplify things down to ‘everything is pointless’.  Just like this post.  Utterly ridiculous.

Every now and then certain newspapers run stories about the amount of people taking psychiatric drugs.  I can’t understand why they do that, you never see articles about how many people take clonidine for high blood pressure.  There is something that bothers that section of society, people on antidepressants are ill just like anyone else, why the nasty write ups.  It also winds me up when they call antidepressants ‘happy pills’, they don’t make you happy they remove the symptoms of melancholy.  There is a subtle but important difference.

Anyway, I’ll leave it at that and wallow in my own self pity a bit more.